if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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