Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
