you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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