he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
