FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
