Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
