You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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