Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
