Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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