I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
