turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
