Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
