The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize