FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
