Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
