i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
