you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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