if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
