Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
