I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
