my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
