She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
