dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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