I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
