I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
