oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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