I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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