I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
