All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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