in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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