We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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