ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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