Got a toothbrush?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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