She's JV to your varsity
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
