the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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