woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
