That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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