there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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