I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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