explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
