i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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