I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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