So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
