This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
