It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
