She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
