You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
