i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
