Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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