barbara walters just said penis...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
