So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You're like the curious george of whores
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
