i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize