I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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