I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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