I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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