Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
