Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
