Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
