I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
