u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
