The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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