I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
