she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
