i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
