and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
