first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
