I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
