ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
