I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sarcasm needs its own font
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
