i don't like sucking hair
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
