I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
