how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
